I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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