Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
