So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
