I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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