Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize