Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
