worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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