That's when you crack a 10am beer
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
This house was built for laser tag.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
