while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
