Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
