Will you blow on my dice?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
