Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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