I didn't shave. On purpose
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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