Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
