my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
