my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize