Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
