wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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