I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
