thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
