Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
we're so committed to being not committed
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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