dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
