I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
