Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
