Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
