im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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