a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
