The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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