We won't sleep together?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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