I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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