i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
