people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize