Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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