Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize