im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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