At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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