we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
