I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
