False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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