Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize