there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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