I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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