i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
