see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
