Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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