Welp...herpes.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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