I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
