So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
