You're so nebulous sometimes
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize