he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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