The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
