There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
