My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
