My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize