rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
