Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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