A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
