I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
