We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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