I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
40s are totally the cure
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize