He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
