BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
