we have officially lost it.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
