An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
