You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
