i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
operation harelip BJ is a go
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
