his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize