I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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