I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
