You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
