there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
