and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
