addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
