Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
