i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
