Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
