i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
