return my video game
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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