Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
