Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
