i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You can't just leave with hair like that
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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