We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize