i think my mom watched the whole time
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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