Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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