two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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