wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
