thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
