my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
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